Why is it so uncomfortable, hard, and just so fucking awkward to make friends as an adult? We have vehicles, we can go places, we don’t have a curfew, we have a home we can invite people over to…why does it feel so uncomfortable?
And be real with me, have you ever Googled how to make friends as an adult? I definitely have.
Just a few years back, I felt very insecure in my friendships and I didn’t have many adult friends at all. The ones that I did have just weren’t all that deep, and I was longing for those soul connections. I was longing for rich friendship, depth, and connection in my relationships. But I didn’t know how to get it and I was dealing with so much social anxiety and feelings of unworthiness.
Now, I have rich and fulfilling friendships and I want to share how I got here. I’m going to share with you everything I did from switching my mindset, to how I showed up as a friend, to the activities that I do with my friends. I’m going to share it all with you.
So buckle up, we are about to unpack this.
START WITH YOUR MINDSET
- Don’t expect everyone to be your friend when you start trying to make friends. Remember – we’re seeking quality over quantity!
- Instead of fearing what people will think of you, start focusing on what YOU think of them.
- Do you enjoy them?
- Do you like their vibe and their energy?
- Do your values align?
- Would you want to become more like them? – because you will inevitably become like the people you spend time with.
- Are they headed in a similar direction as you or a direction that inspires you?
- The goal is NOT to try and fit in, it is to feel a sense of belonging and that comes when you’re able to be fully YOURSELF. Dare to have a different opinion, speak your mind, poke fun, disagree. Let your authentic self shine through and it will weed out the people not meant for you, getting you to the groups that are.
THE ‘WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, HOW?’ OF IT
- Seek individuals with common interests. Think about the places that you already frequent – this can be gyms, sports clubs, classes, grocery stores, parks. Next time, just notice the people that also go to those same place. Smile, practice starting a conversation.
- Search for Facebook or Meetup groups, on Tiktok and on Instagram.
- If you’re nervous, maybe find somebody that has commented on a post or commented on on the Facebook page and reach out to them. Say, “Hey! I saw that you’re also going to be at this event. I would love to meet up with you when you get there. Here’s my number if you’re open to connecting. I would love to connect since it seems like we’re into similar things.
- Find the social media pages of places you already go and see who has tagged them. If you see someone’s vibe you like, message them “Hey girl! Looks like we both are into similar things and go to the same gym. Or, we both love x,y,z restaurant. Are you open to taking a class together, or doing a workout together sometime?” If they don’t respond, it’s OKAY. I know this is scary, but the more you put yourself out there, the easier it gets. And there are so many other people out there who have a desire to connect as well.
- The best way to create depth in friendship is to share unique experiences together. With my friends, we plan snowboarding/ski weekends, cabin trips, camping trips, comedy shows, vision board night, hikes, watching shows together, etc.
REMINDERS THROUGH THE PROCESS
- Seek out people who inspire you, who you have something to learn from. Seek out people who can motivate you. And people who feel really safe, because safety is key to healthy relationships. Notice how your nervous system responds to certain people.
- Some friendships are for a reason, some for a season, some for a lifetime. Get used to friendships transitioning as you grow. It’s not a bad sign and there’s nothing wrong with you if your relationships have evolved or even disconnected over time as you grow into different seasons.
- The best way to make a friend is to BE a friend. Make people feel seen and loved. Show up to celebrate their accomplishments. Remember the details or small things they share with you.
Now, what one action will you take this week? Carve out a little bit of time, put a little bit of energy and effort into reaching out, putting yourself out there, and cultivating the relationships and friendships that you desire. You don’t have to have a lot of people, but having a few people who know you, love you, see you, and are there for you – you get to be there for them too and that is such a gift. Don’t miss out on that ❤️